05:00PM - decided to go to the beach and have a ocean swim.
05:30PM - Swimming, deeper and deeper and deeper, worth it, using every stroke that I master, butterfly still learning.
06:20PM - maybe is time to swim back to shore, depth roughly have 3 of me.
Panic come when I observe everything in term of distance and indication still remain far and stagnant, as I blast swim with freestroke, breaststroke.
I begin to encounter fear, panic and helpless, as I'm far from shore, and I can't hardly see beach, but only tall tree from the far.
My mind become to mess up and emotionless, as I figure out I'm in trouble swimming back to shore.
Negative mind begin to strike my mental, as theory of ocean wave pulling.
I had no time to shout, and I knew that was pointless for me to shout for help as no body I could see, and no ship around as well.
I begin to lost track although shore was in front of me, energy drained, my mind mess-up, and lost time.
Sunset, half-sun gone caused me panic more, light started to fade off, and I knew that without sunlight, my sight could had lost everything as indication.
Free style, breast stroke, back stroke.
Stroke that I mastered, caused me more fear, as I performed my master-stroke but it felt like effortless to the distance between me and shore.
I just keep on routinely swim 3 stroke, free style and breast stroke caused me panic more, as I keep swimming and my eyes saw everything un-moved.
I'm too fear and panic to take a test of the depth with what I usually do, I'm paniced and I hardly inhaled and exhaled slowly my breathe, tensed.
Back stroke with hand pedal side by side, spared me a little time to rest and talk to my Jesus.
Through out all these chaos, I able to listen Jesus, my word, and the negative thought.
I'm beside you, keep swimming, and do not fear.
Why am I here, why I never knew I'm so damn far.
I'm hope I don't die like this, I hope someone know I'm seeking for help.
I'm gonna die if sunlight goes down.
Have faith, every life-journey I won't let you be harmed or cause life lost.
I'm your God. I hope someone tell me end soon, I hope someone tell me it is okay, but cannot, I need to be kept on swimming as I could. But all the visual still unchanged despite my effort, and sunset almost end.
As I swimming and exhaustively drank few times of sea water even BACKSTROKE, there were 3 voices in my mental, I forgot my exhausted, forgot my muscle burnt or whatever, I knew I'm in survival mode, eyes big. I had no emotion, but to keep swim toward shore, the only things that I thought left me anchored was my swimming gaggle that no yet leak in a drop of sea water, I could not imagined if my gaggle leaked in some sea water, I guess I will be more trouble in surviving these.
As these voices, and undestinated-effort keep routine, I boldly and felt like giving one more time to test the depth using my body, and I madly did it, it reach 3/4 of my height.
I surrender my mental to Jesus, as I kept on jumped up and dived down to touch the sandbed and jumped up again to catch breathe, with this I able to at least predict I'm little and little getting near to the shore and getting shallow bit by bit.
I kept on telling Jesus I'm sorry, but I didn't understand why, I felt like I'm admitting wrongs to my dad, as like I done things wrong that I don't even know.
Bit by Bit, started to walk toward the shore, from surface of my face, until chest, stomach, leg, knee, finally small leg.
I begin to blank and felt a bit dizzy as I on shore, my muscle trigger to soar, and I started to tremble, but I just kept cool, I felt my face whitish as my body went so pale.
As I walked through the way to toilet, I'm tremble and speechless.
No one really there along my way, only night-guard smile at me, and my auntie that smile cause of I'm back to place.
No one knows it.
This was not a test to gain a lesson, but a real visitation to the shadow of death when no one knows it, , light fading out, lost of time, lost track of distance, no mathematics, no ships around, helpless, mentally torture, sight-seeing cause panic and by all myself.
But through these death's shadow, now I able to feel thankful to all tangible people and things around of me, have no point to go into depression, blaming or anything that once felt doesn't fair.
I'm thankful, and speechless. Jesus's word is important, and it always work and able to apply to any circumstances even to the death or not.
I begin to think that Iron-Man swimming contest do have indication of distance, guards and mind knowing that people around are watching. I found that I'm too crazy ended-up floating on the sea without all these, I'm not into Iron-Man swimming that time, I'm nearly dead surviving.
If there is no God's word intervene into the chaos mentally fight, I could not guarantee I able to jot all these words here.
That's so real, panic and fear usually may cause life lost even only depth of 3 of me. When theory hit in and I start panic, all my boldness gone, my muscle, mind connection all disconnect.
Backstroke allowed me to take rest, but unable to track things around me.
Now I understand why there gonna need meter indication, buddy system, guards when doing swimming contest, it provide safe-mind and guide to the swimmer, without that, the swimmer may ended up like me, floater, panic and chaos.
Now my body muscle soar, small appetite, and image and feeling feel so fresh yet.
I thank God, the words, the bible reading, the phrases become rhema that cheer me or comfort me and gave me so much strength from mind to the body while I'm in deep shit, life threat.
What things can got worst again, even God knows and He saves.
I gonna go back to swim, but next time no deeper and deeper, but just beside the shore, and shallow.
(Visibility: 4 meter. Creature: NONE. Depth: 3 of me _ Sand was cold and sticky, shallow part sea full of sand floating)