懂得珍惜付出的人

若一个有才干的人为你而免费服务，你不珍惜反而说是他/她自己拿来的话，或自愿的话，你就糟了，因为你不会珍惜人家的付出。但你会的话，相信那个有才干的人会为你卖命。

今天睡不着觉，用了圣经和经历的角度来想想如何身为/成为一个让人敬佩的领导者。有用钱的啦，用骗的，骂的，迷迷糊糊的，重关系的，等等。

圣经教导我，领导者必须要小事忠心，先为人着想，走二里路，祷告，依靠上帝的话语，以信心来行事为人。

从两方面比较，两个不同的路线，不同的方法。但往往很少的人能够以圣经教导来追求成为领导者。

我信靠上帝，圣经说，驯良像鸽子，灵巧像蛇。这是我17岁时领悟到的。

但，到头来，不管如何拼命的追求，看见的，服务的，还是人。如何聪明都好，我学习了大家都要为他人先鞠躬三尺，不管是上或下属，外人。

不管人人说我多笨或不配多好，上帝你的话是我的脚前的灯。我没有理由去跟着别人掉进坑里。

付出多了，开始懂得什么是荒废，浪费。要小心，在某些情况下不得张扬自己的好，不能再自愿地为什么集团或个人服务，真的会伤身。上帝给于的恩典，要用在能够扩厂上帝的国度为先。因为唯有上帝懂得如何报答我们说心里付出的，上帝真的会用很确实的方法报答我们很需要的。

主观，我被人用得好像有些枪射不完的子弹。当我像跑不停的车。当我累时，发现上帝的恩典被糟蹋了，我也伤身。那些人用完就离开。当我的肩膀是更上一层楼的楼梯。

可是，上帝也会在此祝福我很多，假如把不好的念头交给上帝的话，上帝也会顾念。上帝让我知道何时放，何时收。这个领悟能够在每个事上都能用得着。感谢神。

我盼望我所碰到的领导者，是个懂得珍惜付出的人。而不是我的肉你的皮来炫耀自己，或过桥暂将。

我可以为一个懂得分寸，尊敬，观点和目标好的人卖命。我也希望我遇到的领导者能够留给我好的领袖风范，靠着圣经教导，依靠上帝的引导，我应该不会不珍惜和报答会为大众目标付出的战士。

加油！阿门！奋斗！

今天有东西要记起来.

想到以前我在西马开始开课时,我就下定决心,也是上帝的指引. 我要回沙巴,不要在西马落地什么生根.原因,为了爸爸妈妈的付出还有那个从罗哩车做到变工厂30年的汗水,我父母老远从JB黄梨村来到这,说工厂卖给人就卖?我不能接受咯.然后,原因是为了回来服侍改变我对生命观念的教会,让我了解我的根源,认识神的教会.这教会处在正在复兴和有能力的教会,上帝感动我要参与其中,让我服侍,也要我学.然后,上帝也让我看见沙巴会是走上风的时代.

 今天有东西要记起来.

我开始学和帮父亲的生意,父亲说要从小做到大,什么都要知道和会. 这就成为了我帮父亲工作的历念和原则立场. 在薪金方面,全家人都觉得没问题,我也没什么声可以让我凹.我很认真的说,我只有凡仔般的薪金,但又不能这样说,因为爸爸突然买了房给我的将来,为我付车钱,给我吃和住.姐姐妈妈都说有多好.对我来说,我好像一个没有能力决定的人,钱不能让我决定自己想要的.一切就已经扑好了,我的任务就是要照办而已. 但为了我的决心和上帝的认同,我只好包着忍耐和信心继续的学,帮.虽然是空间少了,还是继续吧.

很记得家人在吃饭时,我突然被当了话题,每个故事都朝着我心割.真的没人知道.不但碰到了我处事的能力,在奉献方面和对教会付出的时间也碰到了,只能在驾驶的时候下点雨,感觉家人都觉得我不懂什么是困难和幸福,好像我一点都没有付出.但是,忍,继续前进. 

今天,我做了错事,就是没有做好交代的工作.当跟父母吃晚饭时,妈妈因突然为我买了存钱的保担,我就忘了把收据拿回家.妈妈也为这事放在我没有做好交代的问题冲在一齐给我喝.喝到我,很难过.最厉害就是,我必须要搞好心情,准备去彩排.爸爸也不高兴,就杀了一句"你不要只在工厂拔蟹肉,不要只做死工,哪些'妈妈:(杀鱼,包装)'不是你该做的.你因该要走完工厂,看看整个运作嘛!要从小做到大!." 妈妈说我做扎工,的确是... haiz... 有时很难,要把这一切消化取得教训更难.

父亲和同工都讲我读了大学,不坐公司,来做这些,钱难赚.对我而言,大学生不等于一定要在"冷气房"看着没有机会读书的人辛苦. 

我的人就是酱,很快忘记,很多埋在心的都忘了,就剩那苦毒.结果不懂如何表达,都认为只有上帝知道,没有人会去深入了解聆听.这个苦杯,真的不是每个人能接受的.若没有认识上帝,怎样好. 但,感谢神,每件事,上帝一定会挺我.上帝的方式是我不能用言语表达,很深. 可能我现在觉得一切的付出真的是费的,什么都没有学到,没有确定的方向.但,无论如何,心里就是有股力量,叫我继续坚持,忍,前进,结局不是酱的. 真的讨厌.

 我真的很努力,有没有都努力的学,做,帮.下点雨也没办法,可能是小儿子的弱点.

但,上帝的计划是你我都猜不到的,好吧,死就死,上帝你讲完吧,我做罢了.

201211 梦 1.15AM

才醒，有一个怪怪的梦，梦见当 Jet Lo 在爸爸工厂弄他的东西时，发现爸爸也有抓怪性的山猪宰来卖。活活的山猪，笼边就是它们的肉片，一片一片的。当jetlo在忙用电脑时，我就去那个笼那里看看，刚好是要从笼里抓一只出来，工人都用布盖着怪山猪的头，打下它的屁股，就出笼进了别一个小笼。他们就抬山猪去宰，还唱生日歌，好像不懂给谁大吃一餐。烧了后，整条就吊在一个很大的笼里，两位工人们说是要喂一个很凶猛的山猪，哇！当我看那个山猪是，是人形山猪，两手拿着莫名的长布，头盖着布，像人一样壮，它关在我处在的笼里的小笼背向着我们，很杀气！工人们都说喂它时很害怕，要很小心的开什么什么笼让自己处在一个小地方才能让它出来吃那吊着的小山猪。然后我发现笼的楼上有小房，房外有一个图片是一个人形山猪，脑部会发光的。当我离工人们距离一点点，突然那个人形山猪用它的布跨过墙拉着工人们，然后靠着拉着的力跳出笼来。出来后，我不理就爬上去那个小房，只听见惨叫声。琐上那木板门时，往下看，我看见五马分尸，另外一个在坝这无力，人形山猪分完第一个工人，就抓第二个工人，它就用手尖刃的刺擦入为龙骨，往上体拉，然后再用两个刺从体中向两旁撕开，很快的工人就五马分尸，分四段，头至胸；肚子与手；脚和肚子内藏。看见它不是要吃他们，它很快速的把尸体排的很整齐，排着时，口重复说着，"我要这样做，一定要这样做，要快要快". 醒了。。。。。。 0o0

Bersih 2.0 July 9th 2011 - Experience and Opinion. P1

Hidup Hidup, Hidup Rakyat.

Many friends, family and relatives discourage me to join the rally. Because polices will arrest me while I going to the rally point to gather. "Stadium Merdeka, as what I knew July 7th 2011".

Despite of all the discouragement, I felt inner peace and the sense of God's approval for me to go ahead what I believe and fight for. Guessed I join without purpose or lost control of my mind? No actually. Actually I prayed hardly and ask God for approval and protection after approve.

July 8th, 2011.

Najib Tun Razak denied Bersih 2.0 permitted permission for the rally held in the Stadium Merdeka. First thing come into my mind was not fear however was "what kind of attitude was this? Najib eh!" The reason I got a bit disappointed not due to the sea level of arrest was increase but the respected attitude that our prime minister holding. My girl friend Lee Ivy begin to worry about me, and stated that I will be arrest in the middle of road, not destination somemore. However, as a rakyat I believe the only way to erase the prime minister is none but us, the rakyat only. Prayed hardly for safety and direction, because no rally point was announce from the bersih 2.0 committee. But plan to head to the city about 11.00am tomorrow.

July 9th, 2011.

9am

Woke up in girlfriend house, my girlfriend revising her subjects, and I'm preparing for the rally. And my girlfriend advise me to bring salts and she actual prepared a small bottle of water for me, my supporter. She lend me her bags.

10am

Me and my girl friend went to indian shop have our breakfast, actually I did not want to eat, but she keep on say eat some...eat some..., after having our meals we dispersed at the indian shop, she went to 7-eleven, I headed to KTM mid valley.

11am

KTM mid valley, policeman and woman around it, my heart beating increase the tempo, then I follow a tourists and act like how to go here and go there... then when arrive KTM lobby, I alone go straight while polices beside me. My yellow shirt just hided in my bag, if being stop and check, I will ended up arrested. Phew, I managed to pass through it, sweat a lot, then I go to KL sentral for exchange to monorail.

11.30am

Arrive KL sentral, many tourist and pedestrian, polices of course. Polices checking at the entrance to SkyBus, my heart beating again. But again I acted like tourist, go find some snacks... drinks... see prices and open the eyes big. Then I managed to pass through the escalator to the skybus compound. Keep on walk walk walk, don't look around to provoke polices.

11.45am

Arrive Monorail KL sentral, damn! Monorail Maharajarela stopped the service, I'm hopeless. Stacked in brickfield I though. Ask God, and God replied "walk as you research the road before, remember the only round about, just go". So I walk...walk.... walk on the city...

12.00am

I spotted the roundabout, so happy, but huge crowds of police with different color guarding at the stadium merdeka 3 o clock round about, so I go to roundabout 12 o'clock, when I reach the end of the 12 o'clock road. Man... FRU, red soldier blocked the way to PJ street, or Pasar Seni. Although many pedestrian escape the FRU by walk to the left valley, a voice came in to my mind "This I only show you the scene of FRU blocking the way, now go back to the roundabout, just head to stadium merdeka 3 oclock roundabout." My mind though like... "Wa! Many polices eh!"

12.15am

Walk, not tired, reach the roundabout (now is 9 o clock to stadium merdeka). I just don't know why, took out my camera and keep capture non-sense, then I sneak through the boundaries of polices checking, polices did spot me. But manage to past through! Wohooo!!!

12.30am

Arrived the Stadium Merdeka, is JALAN Maharajarela, not Monorail. Excited, but no participant of rally around there... I though where they were? 10000 participants? was it all scare? :(

And the FRU again, block the entrance way of Stadium Merdeka. Wait about 5-10 mins, a punch of people hinting us to go their way...walk walk walk, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

I found my home, yellows were gather hugely at otherside, around the back side of PJ street!!!

All cheering loudly! Just like carnival celebration!!!

then......